Yesterday, I was sitting here in the middle of writing a blog about how bad my week has been when a message alert popped up from facebook. I ignored it, finishing my thoughts. After posting the blog, I went to the message. It was from a friend of mine in Thailand who shares the same agent as me, back when I still had an agent anyway. She was writing to tell me that our agent's husband had passed away about a month ago in a car accident. And to top it off, our agent is pregnant. It was one of those things you read and shake your head, blink your eyes, then read it again. I couldn't believe this. I had met this man, spent an entire day with him. He was amazing. Kind, considerate, very interested in learning more about me and my family. He and his wife took me out to lunch on our two hour drive to my new city. They took every opportunity on that drive to teach me something about anything, whether they even realized it or not. It was he who first demonstrated just how important the Buddha is to everyone, wai-ing a statue inside a temple as we drove past. He helped me with my contract, showed me around the school, and then even carried my heavy bags up three flights of stairs into my new apartment. As if that wasn't enough, he bought a lock for my bike before leaving that day. I never saw him again, and only spoke with my agent rarely since that first day. But both of them always served as shining examples of true Thai friendliness and eagerness to help a newcomer. Needless to say, I turned right back around and deleted that post. Perspective shows up in very strange ways. I sure hope Aom is able to be surrounded by those who love her and can help her through this time.
Reflecting upon the human nature to complain, to expect people to do things for us, and any number of other less than desirable traits we all possess, I had this thought. Even though we constantly struggle against the ego in our quest for growth, the ego is a part of us. As humans, we all have this dualistic nature to our minds. Freud went a step further to say there are three parts, but this isn't a lesson in psychology, so we are ignoring that. But if we are fragments of a higher being, or were born in his image, or we are highly evolved creatures, no matter what you believe, you have to believe that having this higher self as well as this nuisance of the ego was intentional. Maybe it is simply to challenge us. I think that a fear many of us who are in search of enlightenment or spiritual growth have is that every time we act less than zen-like we are not succeeding in that goal. But I want to challenge that and say that, as humans, we were born with this ego that makes us falter, and I would imagine it was for a reason. I think that as long as we can be aware of those moments, we are in fact succeeding. We are, after all, only human. We might be much greater than this human body, but this is the form that we exist in today, complete with all of its glory and all of its flaws.
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