I really enjoy the quote "You may not always end up where you thought you were going, but you will always end up where you were meant to be." It's one of those things I try to live by, but, being human, I sometimes stumble and struggle to see the value in where I have landed.
While I was raking the flowers that fall continuously from this tree up front I realized a couple of things: first, that I have all my inspired thoughts while raking these days, and second, that maybe that is EXACTLY why I am here. Back to my most about Karate Kid, it's hard to see the value in something so menial and frustrating, but it gives my mind both the power to be blank and empty, meditation like, and the power to really delve into some deep and inspiring thoughts. Sometimes these two things flicker back and forth with each swing of the rake, but more often than not I hit on something deep, and my mind really becomes powerful in those moments. It's not my ego, it's my conscious self, being present in the moment and appreciating what is happening and the wisdom that I believe I am obtaining. I don't think I ever would have encountered this deep of a level of spiritual growth if I wasn't here, raking leaves, flowers, and anything else that doesn't belong on top of the sand.
A few nights ago, I was watching Jim Carrey talk about how he found his higher self and experienced this pure joy and satisfaction with life, and then, being human, lost it. And how he has been working to get back to that moment ever since; "Sometimes I am riding the wave, and sometimes I have fallen off." I related so whole-heartedly with this statement. It seems like an eternity ago already that I first connected with that part of me, although, calling it a part of me doesn't really suffice, since it is something greater than me entirely, but anyway, I digress. I connected and I was able to really grasp the LOA and make it work for me. I was able to be present in the moment and connect with my inner energy at any moment in time. And then I went through a period of almost two years where I let "reality" bring me down off that wave. During these past few weeks, I have experienced my epiphanies, and again, my ego, or the "reality" of it all, tried to talk me out of them. And of course that ego is strong and successful, because it is a part of your mind, it knows you well. It knows what arguments to make that will be the most effective. It is always struggling for control over your higher consciousness, and quite often it is able to win that battle. Again, while raking, I thought to myself, "I cannot wait to have children, to teach them these shreds of wisdom early on. Nothing against my upbringing," I thought, "what a boring life it would be to known all these lessons long ago." It's not like my kids will be 11 and these zen Buddhas, but maybe as they enter their twenties and start on their own spiritual paths, it will be words of empowerment over their ego nature that will call out to them. Or maybe they will think I am a nut job and vow to put me in an old folks home when I am elderly, one never knows. But that dose of "reality," that feeling of, "you can't do that because it costs too much money, or takes too much time," those thoughts really mess with a person and their personal success and development.
A few posts ago I vowed to not get so deep. Well, to hell with that. I am been struggling with not censoring myself on here, but it is a constant battle. I don't necessarily think I need to write about every thought I have and what happens as those thoughts change, which I feel like I may have done a little, but I do enjoy being able to share my growth with people. And as it turns out, some of the people reading are complete strangers. How exciting is that?
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