Perspective

I was frustrated that, once again, no one showed up for class, so I left after waiting for 20 minutes to make my way back to the office. I had waited for thirty minutes for the last class to show up after the assembly, but of course no one did.

A student stops me on the stairs and I am able to ascertain that she is from the class I was waiting for.  At the same time another teacher walks up and decides she needs to translate, and basically tells me I didn't wait long enough. UGH!  Had I never come back from waiting I wouldn't have met the girl, but trying to explain this is wasted energy.

Anyway, I head back down to the picnic tables where my class has been the whole time, and after checking everyone in, I thought, well crap, what do we do with less than half the class period left and no chalkboard. No one has the worksheet from last week, so I decided to spend the remaining thirty minutes just trying to talk to them.

And that is when that beautiful thing called perspective hit me smack in the face.

I was pleased at how easily we communicated in this smaller informal setting, they understood my slower voice with much ease.  Two girls in particular, the one who caught me in the hall and her friend, were really interested in knowing more about me than the basic "do you have a faen? (boyfriend)."  And I was interested in learning about them, a rare opportunity it seems since most of my energy is spent controlling the unruly students during classtime instead of having conversations with the brightest ones.

Turns out Ban Mi Wittaya has 38 girls from across the country who live on school grounds to be a part of our famous volleyball team. They have traveled to Russia, China, Vietnam, Korea.... but not without cost. The two girls I was speaking with wake up every morning, school or no school, at 5 am.  They jog, even though they hate it. And when they are done with their run, they practice their skills until it's time to get ready for class.  Then, when school is over, they practice for hours more, and by nighttime they can be seen riding their bicycles around for more exercise.

They have not seen their families in a year. They are 16 and 17 years old.

These girls were recruited to play volleyball for our "high school." And they have contracts to fulfill. The 17 year old still has two years left to play for Ban Mi Wittaya, and the 16 year old has four years left.

My volleyball girls and me

I was so stunned I didn't even know what to say to them, other than wow.  They seemed happy enough, other than the jogging part. Who was I to judge?  My heart aches for them, but maybe it shouldn't? Maybe this is an amazing opportunity that will provide futures for them that they never dreamed of. I'm trying to see it that way, any how. Either way, what an amazing thirty minutes. :)

Merry Christmas and I'm Sorry

It's hard to believe it's Christmas Day. Have I really been here nearly two months already? Christmas came without presents or decorations, without a prime rib feast... much like the Christmas from the Grinch movie I showed my students last week.  It certainly isn't snowing out, but it is cold here by Thai standards.  And even for me, I have acclimated enough that this 65F breeze is bone chilling.  To top off the lack of holiday spirit, I am sick. Oh joy.

Back home, Christmas is my favorite. I love how festive people get, I love how friendly people become. I love opening presents with my nieces and nephew. I love preparing a big meal with my mom and listening to overplayed holiday jingles. I love to bake cookies and eat too many of them.  Without any of this it is hard to believe it is already that time of the year!

No one owes happiness to any of us, and no one can create that happiness except for ourselves. Most days lately, I have been doing amazing in this department.  I have savored every drop of happiness and found joy in the smallest of packages.  I've learned to embrace difficulty and find the humor in it.  But missing my White Christmas movie tradition with my mom, or missing my dad quote every line from A Christmas Story... these things are hard.  Sometimes I forget that it was my decision to be alone, that it was my decision to move half way around the world.  When I do forget, it's easy to get mad and to wish that people tried harder. And for that, I am sorry. Luckily, I usually snap out of those feelings pretty quickly. After all, it was I who moved away, it was I who decided to embark on this journey.  It is up to me to find happiness and feel belonging. This is my struggle, not yours. 

So even though it's hard to breathe and I feel like death warmed over, I am going to try harder to smile today.  It might not feel like Christmas to me, all alone in Thailand, but it most certainly is. And I can be happy knowing that children are waking up in a few hours to gleefully open gifts in their adorable pajamas with their messy, uncombed hair.  I can be happy knowing that, while I am not enjoying some "rare roast beast," the people I love are.  And even if I am not with the people I love, and even if I sometimes feel like I have no idea what it going on in their world, I will be happy knowing that they love me and that they think of me.

I love you all!! Merry Christmas and thank you for reading! 

A Perfect Weekend

...falling asleep to peepers
...waking up to birds singing
...leisurely sipping coffee and eating buttered toast on the patio
...being spied on like a celebrity by passers-by and smiled at for huddling in a blanket just like them
...meeting more locals who are now unafraid of approaching me because of who I moved in with
...being told I have made Pi Lyn very happy, and that she isn't lonely anymore
...walking to the van station and being greeted by my students and the attendants as if I have lived here my whole life, then joking with them about where I was going as if I spoke perfect Thai
...being asked to sit up front in the minivan ;-)
...jamming to Bob Dylan's Highway 51 Blues, thinking about how more than once in my life my front door was just steps from Hwy 51 just like the words in the song
...smiling the whole way to Bangkok
...remembering how much stress travel used to cause and enjoying how simple it had become for me here
...meeting Kara at the mall and eating some amazing Indian food
...getting checked into the hostel even though I didn't have my passport
...trying to nap while the noisiest eater EVER filled her face with some nasty smelling dinner (LMAO!)
...stepping on a rat on our way to dinner and FREAKING out about whether or not it bit me
...then immediately being asked if I wanted to go to a sex show "Do I LOOK like I need to go to a sex show?!?!"
...being recognized and hugged at our favorite Mexican restaurant
...drinking really strong Margaritas, then being asked to sing on stage
...spending the next four hours singing on stage (!!!)
...snuggling with ET the yorkie
...making friends from New Dehli, which just happens to be where the cheapest flight I found has a 13 hour layover
...being the last ones to leave the restaurant at close
...immediately finding a club to go dance like idiots at
...getting pulled on stage before we even had a drink in our hands
...huddling in a corner to "sneak" the rum into our bottle of coke
...more dancing (!!!)
...dancing in the VIP corner with the local ladies
...following drunk Kayla down the street, weaving through pedestrian traffic at 2am
...drunkenly pigging out on craptastic Seven 11 food
..."just walk in like you own the place, don't even look at them"
...sneaking Eric and Stephanie into our hostel
...Kayla dropping her phone under the bottom bunk, "but I miss my phone," and erica comforting her "here honey, you can hold mine"
...erica and stephanie sneaking out way early so they don't get caught
...sleeping in til 10am
...eating at some fancy French restaurant in the mall for dirt cheap, in my GB Packer t-shirt
...spending the afternoon in a movie theater with best popcorn ever, reclining seats, perfect screen quality... *sigh*
...leaving the theater to realize the ENTIRE city of Bangkok had turned out in protests, filling Siam Square
...Kara not-so-jokingly saying "I was nervous throughout the movie, and now I am nervous in real life, my poor heart can't take it!"
...fighting for over 30 minutes against the flow of thousands to move about 100 feet out of the BTS system, tailed by some adorable Aussies who helped keep the mood light
...looking out over Victory Monument, which is usually filled with vans and taxis, and seeing nothing but a sea of people, screaming and blowing their whistles

Image borrowed from Stephanie :-)

...reminding myself 100 times over that you are experiencing history in the making, and to breathe
...praying the entire way, "if there is a God, the minivans will still be running, if there IS a GOD, the minivans...."
...rounding the corner and celebrating as I realized that the vans WERE STILL RUNNING!
...being helped by a Ban Mi local to get my van ticket
...recognizing girls from Lop Buri at the stop and catching up with them
...watching a fascinating Chinese movie and sleeping all the way home
...having the same local tell the driver to take me to my apartment so I didn't have to walk at night
...meeting Pi Lyn, hugging her, then going straight to bed
...checking my email to read a message about a possible job offer from one of the wealthiest men in Thailand (he OWNS True Move)
...falling asleep with a smile on my face, curled up under three blankets

New apartment!

Sometimes bad things have to happen in order for the doors to good things to open.  We've all heard the saying, but knowing that you just experienced one of those moments is such a rush. Such a smile on your face kind of moment.

If my creepy neighbor hadn't acted so weird, I never would have taken the initiative to move out. (How ironic is it, by the way, that he helped me carry my luggage out to the truck?! LOL)  Had I not been actively talking about moving out, Pi Lyn never would have offered me this place because she would have felt like she was overstepping.

And now, I sit here, and instead of hearing the roar of trucks on the busy street out front, I hear peepers. I have a glamorous mosquito net that makes me feel like a kid in a blanket fort again. I have a hot shower, which will be marvelous in the morning, but sadly, the town seems to be having water issues tonight. Whatevs, I've waited this long, right?!?!

She took me for a drive around the mountain today, the little mountain behind the school. She showed me where we will walk up to meet her favorite Monk, just a mile from where I live now. And then, not even 2 miles from the school, she showed me another temple, complete with a 40+ foot golden reclining Buddha!! And monkeys!! And the bat caves!! So much to explore and take pictures of, I am in heaven.  And the roads take you all the way around the mountain, so I think I found a new bike path, or maybe just a nice Saturday walking trail.

I had a delicious pig's liver soup with her at the market tonight, and the way everyone was stopping to look at us could have caused accidents or injuries.  I wish I could share that soup with my mom, she would have loved it.  The first thing I am going to have her teach me is how to make the papaya salad; turns out she has a papaya tree out back. Cha Ching!!! Money!!! 

Life is good. Sooo good. That's all.

Power of the mind or just good karma?

I remember thinking back when I was in Wisconsin about how I pictured my soon-to-be new life in Thailand. I remember deciding that I wanted to be north, but near a city. A smaller town, but not too rural. I pictured myself getting to know the locals, having a favorite restaurant to visit, all of that. Of course, when it came time to tell the program, I said I was pretty much up for anything that wasn't Bangkok. But this was what I pictured.  I also remember thinking, man, if I could arrange a home stay type thing, where I could learn the culture first hand, learn to cook, maybe pick up some of the language, teach them some English in the process, I would be set.  I had no idea how the work out that last part, but I wanted to figure out a way for sure!

And now here I am, just over six weeks in, and I have all of this!  I got placed in exactly the town I had pictured. I am just over two hours from BKK, which makes doing anything really easy. I live in a train town, so I can get anywhere I want to go for cheap as hell.  And as of this weekend, I will be living with a woman who was born and raised in Ban Mi, but lived the last 40 years of her life in America.

Today I went to visit with her after school and we worked out the details.  For 5,000 baht a month I get a private place to stay that includes a nice, hot, real shower, a flushing toilet, a real bed, reasonably good internet (and if I find it isn't good enough, she is willing to work with me to get something better), all of my lunches and dinners, a maid to clean my room, laundry service... you name it.  And of course, she is excited to show me around town, introduce me to people, teach me anything she can, including how to cook Thai dishes!

My day started with a little disappointment, I wasn't going to be able to meet the dog show people and make those connections I have been trying to make for over 4 weeks. That will have to wait another month. But to have this new opportunity handed to me, I am speechless. So blessed, so lucky, so whatever. The day couldn't have ended any better! I love it!

Self Discovery and Expectations

Over the weekend, my friend and I were talking about what it means to be alone and truly learning about yourself, and in that, getting to the bottom of our actual motivations for dropping everything and moving around the world.  We both agreed that the process of getting to know yourself is very lonely.  Good for the soul, but hard on the heart while it's happening. Over half a bottle of rum was an incendiary force in our four hour conversation, so re-articulating those moments of sheer genius may prove to be a bit challenging. But I will try!

Everyone had their own set of expectations of what this experience would be like, just as everyone had their own individual motives for coming here. On the first day of orientation, our "teacher" sat us all down to talk about what baggage we had brought with us in an attempt to uncover those motives. Why were we here? I kept what I wrote down and I've read it a couple times since then. At the time, I think all of us were "digging deep" and we were being as honest with ourselves as we could be. We talked about tragic breakups, abusive family members, suicide attempts, and so much more. Those of us who didn't share with the group found times in the week to open up to our new "family" about why we thought we had found ourselves in this new alien land. It was hard work, but I think all of us felt like we really did uncover our true motives.

But what my friend and I talked about this weekend is how little we knew, how grossly unaware we were.  If we redid that exercise today, after most of us have been teaching for 4-5 weeks, I believe we would see very different results. True motives don't just jump out at you and say 'hey lady, here I am!'  After all, those motives are windows into our souls; hidden reasons behind every action.  Sometimes understanding those reasons requires a little struggle first. Just as "character cannot be developed in ease and quiet (Helen Keller)," neither can one understand the answers to big questions like 'why am I here' without first experiencing some challenges that shake up their very foundation.  Motives are discovered  by those who are willing to sort through their own bullshit, fess up to the real truth about what it was you were leaving back home, and let yourself be completely and undeniably vulnerable to the reality of it all. 

I feel sometimes like "self-discovery" is this very ethereal concept. Like it's this meticulous process that only produces results when it is followed in strict accordance, one mistake and POOF, it's gone.  It's a crazy concept, and it happens in different ways for everyone, and not at all for more than some.  Sometimes we have those "aha" moments in the middle of a drunken conversation with friends, sometimes we have them when we are alone on a tropical beach reading something akin to Plato or Pirsig. Who knows when it will happen, other than never if you aren't willing to be honest with yourself about what is actually going on inside your heart and your head.

Coming here with any expectations, we were warned, was of no good.  But let's be honest, we all did. We all read about the culture, some more than others, and we all read about other teachers' experiences, again some more than others. From that alone we started to draw a picture in our minds of how the next 5 months of our lives would play out. So a month into the program, when we all get together on weekends, naturally, we all talk about how different the reality of life in Thailand is from that picture we drew for ourselves.  And when you step back and look at which of those expectations disappointed you the most, you can start to see what your true motives may have been for coming here.

And this is why I love it here....

As my previous post drew to a close, I was already feeling much better about things. That's the beauty of creating a post over the period of several hours.  I am currently back in my apartment feeling quite...well, wonderful, and I don't even have Chang to thank for it.

I was walking home from school when the sentiment started to really kick in. I had just finished up a great extra class, and now walking home I was greeted with numerous smiles and "herro! goos afternoon!"s. I went a little different route back and as I rounded the corner towards my apartment I noticed that the unpredictable market was on today. I have tried, with zero success, to figure out when this market actually occurs.  It occurs when it wants to. Complete with the inflatable children's play house, thai-remixed American pop-hits, and cheap goodies galore.  I was walking across the street, weaving through motorcycles, when I realized I had already adapted the Thai way of crossing a street---just fucking go with it man.  I smiled at the thought.

In my apartment, I pulled out what has become my bible, the Lonely Planet's Guide to Thailand, and checked in with a friend about how we are to meet up this weekend.  Several messages later, our plan was set, I was taking a train Friday after school and meeting her at the train station in Ayuthaya.  Hell yes! More century old ruins to explore and elephants to ride.  This has to be my single-most favorite thing about this country---how easy it can be to travel.  Traveling is also the single-most stress inducing thing about this country, if you try to have any sort of a schedule in mind.  Once you throw the Western expectations of timetables and prudency out the window (logic?! huh?), and you learn to adopt a heavy measure of patience, you can do wonderful things here. Like travel to and from virtually ANYWHERE in the country using semi-public transportation, stay there, and feed yourself, for less than $50 on a weekend. And that includes a hot shower, a western sandwich, and several Changs.  If you sleep cheaply, travel un-extravagantly, and eat locally, you can drop that to below $15 EASILY.

Fast forward an hour or so, my tummy growls. My Thai friend "Eve" cannot meet me out for dinner tonight. *Sigh* But I really wanted some yum (this spicy salad orgasmic concoction that is different every time and made a thousand ways, and yet, always the same)... So I grabbed my phone just in case I needed to phone a friend, and I set off to the one place I successfully ordered it in town (*cough* with the help of a student *cough*). I sat down, smiled and said, "do you remember, from last time? Yum?" Confused look. "Yum?" I try again. Confus---oh wait, recognition! "Yum somethingsomething I didn't quite understand! Yes, yes!" "Yes!"  It really couldn't have been that easy even if I spoke Thai. And about two minutes later, this Westerner from across the way asks if I need help, and at this point having already ordered, I say "No, but thank you!" "Oh? You can read Thai?" "Haha, not a chance, but she remembers me!" "Ahh, well, you just let me know if you need anything."  Where did that come from? Thank you nice fella! The best part is, my food came out even better than last time, this time she added glass noodles, some chicken, some pork, some shrimp. Total upgrade, they love me.  And it was fannnntastic.

About half way through my meal, the neighbor walked by and waved, entering the restaurant. UGH!!!!!!!!! *eye roll* Naturally, I did the polite thing and offered him the chair across from me.  Prior to him completely freaking me out, we had had some intelligent conversations over these past few weeks, right? And you know what? We ended up having another one... all be damned, I didn't want to punch him or run away or anything!  I successfully arrived at my apartment with zero delay from his awkwardness. A normal encounter. This calls for a blog post.

Can you talk about a 180?  Thank you universe. Kayla needed that, my god.

Am I Coming or Going?!?

I felt like I was doing really good. I was adjusting to the climate, to the culture, to my students, to my town.  Slowly, but surely. I felt better, I was dealing with the culture shock. I was happy. I was becoming a part of my community.

Then my neighbor started acting weird...and the last week has been a bit of a downward slide. His attitude and behaviors have affected my outlook. I decided not to lament on these since doing so just reaffirms that negativity. But when you combine those factors with the ever challenging school system where logic from our perspective is as foreign as cheeseburgers, students who seem to just not care or understand why English is valuable, and you have a girl who is left feeling rather lonely and regretting not being home for Christmas.

But as the title says, there is the constant back and forth, continuously vacillating because of the truly wonderful moments I have had.  After I was sitting there writing the above paragraphs, I had to go teach an "extra class" of students who I do not usually have.  And I was met by interesting, funny, ready to learn teenagers, filled with curiosity and fascination.  Those forty-five minutes made the whole day seem normal, my angst appear trite.  Finally, students who give a fuck! YAY!!! Aside from wanting to get away from my neighbor, I feel like I can be quite content here. And the weather--you can't beat the weather. I mean, I suppose you could, Hawaii was less humid and less buggy, but its damn near perfect. And the food is amazing if you aren't afraid to embarrass yourself ordering it. And I have been traveling every weekend, seeing all sorts of amazing things, for almost zero dollars. I can take a train to the bigger cities for less than 20 cents. I refuse to leave until I go hiking and see some waterfalls, and spend at least one more day reading a book on a quiet beach with the waves crashing all around me.

The Weight of The Nation

About a week ago I came across HBO's series called The Weight of The Nation, free to download on iTunes, which is also free to download.  GO NOW! Download it. Then come back and finish reading this while it loads.  I will wait.... This is a MUST see docu-series, if that is what you want to call them. Replace an hour a week of whatever else you are doing and watch these films. PLEASE. Especially episodes 1, 2, and 4.

This series is really well done, really well researched, really well supported with intelligent people in high positions at some of the most readily recognizable institutions. Every claim is backed by some study or another. The first episode is a horrific overview of the problem of obesity in America and all of its health implications. The second episode is a closer look into the way our bodies work when we try to lose weight and then how it works to prevent us from successfully keep it off. The third episode is about the growing problem with children. Did you know one in three kids today will develop diabetes? And if that kid is black or latino, it goes up to one in two? But the most shocking episode, the one that made me stop and write this post was the fourth one about food in America. It is mind blowing. One line that sticks with me is that we tend to see obesity as a personal problem--that person isn't trying hard enough, they did this to themselves, etc. But science is actually showing that we are hard wired to eat in unhealthy ways from the way we are raised, the way we are marketed to as kids, and most disgustingly, the way the agriculture business is set up to make the worst foods the cheapest. It is definitely not a personal problem, but a societal problem, and it is one that WILL eventually destroy our country if we don't change. It is sickening to see the data of how food is being produced that is effectively killing us for profit. Less than three percent of US farmland is planted with fruits and vegetables.  And then we wonder why we are obese.

Being here in Thailand has already changed the way I look at food. Seeing how a country with such incredible fresh fruit and vegetable options move more and more every day to western ways of processed foods sold at the thousands of 7Elevens found on virtually every corner makes me sick. Don't do it! Appreciate what you have! Take advantage of of the amazing resources that you have! Don't become like us!

In addition to seeing the way the younger generation of Thais is moving away from the traditional foods, watching these videos (which to be 100% honest, I only downloaded because they were free) has really impacted me!  People don't have to try hard to eat healthy here. Everything grows practically year round, and even the weeds are edible, for cryin' out loud. You can be completely homeless and still live on a healthy diet of natural vegetation. You have to be really lazy to count on the junk food from 7Eleven for your caloric intake, and yet, it certainly seems like that company is thriving over here. Laziness is universal, that is for certain. The difference is the poor people can still eat healthy in Thailand, whereas in the states, you are pretty much f'd if you are poor.

Protests in Bangkok

I encourage anyone reading this to do a little research on the background of these protests... I feel it is almost backwards of what we would expect in the states. It's not the underprivileged who are rising up in protest, but rather that wealthy minority who are trying to oust the democratically elected Prime Minister and democracy as a whole. They believe the PM is a puppet for her brother Thaksin, who led the democratic movement in Thailand. Unfortunately, Thaksin was a corrupt business man, and there are allegations that while he was in office he was corrupt with the tax money of the people as well. But most of the poor people in the rural areas still support Thaksin and his sister, as they have experienced improvements to their overall welfare.

Given this is Thailand's first taste of democracy, (democratic elections are only about 20 years old in Thailand) I can *somewhat* understand their concern, but coming from America, a hand picked representative who is not elected NEVER sounds like a better option.  Those protesting wish to return the power to the monarchy, and put their faith in the King's selection of a new PM and a "People's Council" rather than an elected cabinet.

To be honest, I am not quite sure where to stand on this one. I love to see countries moving towards democracy, but if it is a corrupt democracy, how is that better?  If they truly believe the people picked by the King (who is insanely well liked by his people) will be honest and fair, maybe the centuries of Monarchy here in this culture provide a stability that should not be undermined.  Key differences in Thai culture include the concept of a hierarchy--not like in America where everyone is created equal.  If everyone is created equal, democracy makes sense. Buddhist cultures who believe you were born into this life because of your choices in a past life, tend to believe that you deserve the cards you are dealt--therefore a rich man deserves to be rich and a poor man deserves to be poor. This has been the way of the people for centuries. Faith is placed in the hands of the Monarchy, who provide stability and support to the nation in their power, which is their birthright.  Democracy undermines this faith by giving the people an anonymous way to disagree with the powers that be, in a country where disagreeing with authority is so taboo.

Anyway, it is certainly a very interesting time to be living here, but I am thankful to not be in Bangkok. The protests are beginning to get bloody.  Most people think that with the King's birthday tomorrow, the protesting will halt in his honor, but likely resume by Friday or Saturday.

Last weekend I went to BKK to see some friends. Friday night I got to see one of the bigger protests right up close, from the back of my motorcycle taxi.  What a rush!  No matter what side of the debate you fall on, the sheer sight and energy of all those people is intoxicating!  And to know that you are experiencing, actually LIVING and breathing a moment in history is a feeling like no other.  The entire city is lit up for the King's birthday, so even without the adrenaline rush of seeing the protests it was a beautiful ride that made me all verklempt, as I tend to get on the back of motorcycles in this country.  It reminds me that I need to read "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance," but it is said that riding on or driving a motorcycle of any kind connects you to the moment of now better than most other experiences.  I have had this overwhelming experience numerous times since living here, and to combine that with the electricity of such a loud and excited crowd---unimaginable.

Giving Thanks

Cheers!! (And yes, that is fried chicken in my other hand... closest thing I could find to American food tonight.)

Holy cow, I have been here just shy of a month already. (or is it only?)  Sometimes it seems like I've lived here for 4 months already, when I think about how much I miss everyone and everything back home. But right now, I feel like I was just applying for this job, just telling my boss and co-workers, just starting to pack...

This is the first Thanksgiving I have ever missed.  And that is something I am thankful for-- 26 Thanksgivings with friends and family before today. And if I count all the doubles, when I had two families to visit, I'd have even more.  My American neighbor can't even remember the last good Thanksgiving he had.  I almost cried at the thought. Either last year or the year before, I was in charge of the Turkey. Let me see if I can find the picture...

That's right, I not only took a picture, but I thought it was important enough to transfer said picture to the new computer. Damn...this girl loves the holidays!

Alright, enough goofing, what else am I thankful for...  I am so THANKFUL that not only am I experiencing this mind altering, future changing, life enriching adventure, but that I am healthy enough to enjoy it, that I have money in my pocket to not be stressed about making ends meet, and enough set aside to actually travel and have a little fun.

I am thankful that I have made AMAZING friends who share in the ups and downs of this roller coaster ride as we experience the glory and the hell all together, and that I have friends back home who keep cheering me on along the way and help me feel less petty about whining over these god damn bucket "showers."

I'm eternally grateful for my most supportive brothers and parents who laugh with me about this insanity and marvel at how crazy it is on the other side of the world.

I'm recently thankful that I got an increased credit limit the other day, so in case of emergency I can actually afford to charge a plane ticket home!!

I am of course thankful that I'm losing weight everyday even though I eat ice cream religiously with lunch and beer with dinner... I shit you not. (Now if I could just give up the ice cream...)

But most importantly, I'm thankful that I have a home and a life to go back to whenever I've decided I've had my fill of Sunny Thailand, that I'm not here under anyone else's orders or to prove something to anyone but myself.  I am grateful for this experience, but even more so thankful that I don't have to live here forever. I've never appreciated being born into middle-class America more in my entire life.

So count your blessings, instead of sheep. You'll fall asleep... Oh wait, wrong holiday.
Love you!

My biggest struggle

If asked, what is your greatest struggle here, the obvious answer would be adapting to the culture. My answer would be dealing with all the dogs.  With culture, you can take something that drives you insane, and classify it as a cultural difference, learn from it, and move on.  But how can you stand there, watching a twelve week old puppy frantically chasing its rotten, infected tail, screaming its head off in pain, and just classify that as a cultural difference, learn from it, and move on.  You can't. I can't anyway.  The strays here are of epic proportions. They are everywhere. Some strays become less of strays by taking over a space such as the school.  Some of those dogs become well fed, by establishing territory and bullying lesser dogs out of food.  Survival. I get that. 

We have about ten dogs around the school, two of which are definitely alpha and the rest scavenge the empty classrooms looking for food left behind by students.  One old man has some terrible skin condition and a sunken eye, most of them are missing hair all over from what I can only assume due to scratching. It's Tuesday, and so far this week, on my three-four block walk to school, I have discovered one pregnant dog, one nursing dog, and one bitch getting nailed in the middle of the street. Those are dogs that passed in front of me on the street. I'm sure there are 20 more where each one of them came from.  And then there is the little puppy with the rotten tail. And when you console him, he looks up at you, begging for you to help him. Even he knows that humans are supposed to help dogs.  He instantly quiets down, until the pain becomes intolerable, and then he frantically starts again, unable to stop. So, I balled my eyes out. Literally, right there. The tears could not be stopped.  And when I was done, I got up, wiped off my eyes, and decided to find a vet. I would pay to have his tail amputated and I would make sure he got antibiotics.  Crazy, yes.  I'm three weeks in and already prepared to start saving every Soi Dog that comes along. But I didn't care. So I asked if there was a vet in town, and it took some time, but eventually the English teacher understood. She had to ask someone because she didn't know of one. That woman just laughed. And then they both spoke in Thai for a few minutes and walked away, never giving me an answer. No, they were not going off to ask someone else, they were ignoring me because in Thai culture you don't give people difficult answers, you just leave them hang until they figure it out.  So I left.  I wasn't needed at school anyway, and yes, I was supposed to stay, but I couldn't. I couldn't listen to the puppy downstairs, barking and chasing its tail, as it had been all morning.

I've come a long way in the last two weeks, adapting to the culture. Even in the last 48 hours I felt like I had made significant progress. And then this puppy came along. And now I am right back where I started.

Cauliflower Breadsticks

I didn't know where else to post this so I wouldn't lose it. I need to make these when I get home.

Cauliflower Breadsticks! Hardly any calories for the whole pan! •1 large head of cauliflower •2 cloves garlic, grated or minced •2 large eggs, lightly beaten •4 oz low fat mozzarella cheese •1/2 teaspoon onion powder •salt •pepper •Preheat oven to 450 degrees. •Chop the cauliflower into chunks and place into microwave for about 5 minutes or until soft •Place the cauliflower into a food processor and blend until it's a mashed potato texture •In a medium bowl, stir together cauliflower, eggs,cheese, and seasonings •Lightly spray a baking pan with spray oil and coat with the mixture (about 1/2 inch thick) •Bake at 450 degrees for 20-25 minutes or until the top starts to brown •Add additional cheese to the top and enjoy!

Khiri Khan and Beyond

My buddy Cutie Pie

This tree reminds me of my tattoo...

Anyone want my address??

Address it to me, then

Ban Mi Wittaya School
Foreign Language department
278 Moo 5, Tambon Sanamjang
Ban Mi district, Lopburi province 15110
Thailand

Herro Teacha Kayra!!

 *cracks knuckles* Ahhh... finally. I am officially a Thai English teacher!  Today's students were wonderful. However, it should be noted, they will let you continue for ten minutes past the end of class to save face rather than interrupt you and tell you to dismiss them.  Ooopsies.  That was the 3rd period.  Thus, I was 10 minutes late to my 4th period, and probably half of them decided to run off and play around campus rather than wait for me.  My bad.  Can't say that I blame them, I would have done the exact same thing.

Definitely buying a watch tonight.

For a secondary school and considering it is the 2nd semester of the school year, I am a little dismayed by some of their skill levels in the English department.  We reviewed the alphabet and numbers in a couple classes today, not going to lie. But then again, I am picking up where a tired old teacher left off, and I have a feeling he gave up on a few of these classes months ago.  The classes are organized by grade and then by skill level, and in true Thai fashion, the levels change half way through.  For example, Matayoung 1, 2, 3, and 4 (so ages 12-13, 13-14, 14-15, and 15-16, respectively) are then broken down into groups of 8 where 1 would be the highest skill level.  But once you get to Matayoung 5 & 6, so 16-17 and 17-18, not only is English no longer required, but also the system reverses, just because they like to fuck with us, I am certain. So then my group 1's are the poorer students whereas my 5-8's are the exceptional ones. Go figure. I have many students in each class that hung around afterward to ask me questions and get some clarification.  In those moments, I was already sooo proud! It is always nice to know that you have at least a couple of kids who want to learn. More power to them!

Tonight I am going to try to work my way through the previous teachers notes and his lesson plans to see if maybe I can surmise where he left off.  However, I already tried going through his journal, and for the most part he didn't even make notes about the "lesser" classes, how frustrating. These are the classes who need it the most, and where I need the most help figuring out where to begin.  I feel like for those classes it won't hurt to just go back to basics.  Start fresh with a new teacher who hasn't already given up on them.  As for my more advanced classes, I have a lot of resources from Xplore Asia and from another teacher here, so I will try to think of the ways I learned Spanish and create some lessons loosely based around those guides. Mostly just winging it, however. ;)

The good and bad part is that I only see the kids once a week. Good because it makes my job easier as far as planning one lesson each week, with obvious consideration to skill level.  Bad because I am warned that they do not practice at home, and a lot of what you did last week will be lost by the next week.  I have found that if you literally walk up to them and MAKE them write things down, they will... so.... Lots of notes on the board, and those who want to learn will write it down as well, and those students will be able to build week in and week out.  That's all I can hope for after all.

Culture shock

I realized on the train today that I am right in the thick of culture shock.  Suddenly being mad about the way everything is different---that's it baby.  A week ago I found my paradise and contemplated never leaving. Today I am counting the days. A week from now I will be happily settled into a routine and enjoying the moment.  It's just a matter of working through this emotion right now.  I'm sure being completely alone for three days had something to do with its sudden onset, but regardless, it's here.

Do they not smell the sewer/urea/shit everywhere they go? Whose idea was it to put a damn squatter on a rickety train?? How can a culture so keen on "every life is worth living, worth preserving, worth cherishing" fail to realize their massive amounts of pollution are destroying lives?  A woman in front of me was playing Candy Crush Saga on her iPhone, as we drove down highways with literally no rule or law, just proceed at your own caution. And when I saw pollution, I mean pollution---dirty water, garbage EVERYWHERE.... RAWR!!!!! Really you are going to laugh at me when it was your mistake that caused me to be a day late in getting to where I needed to go? I get it, its  just different here. And trying to change it will be completely futile. Therefore---I blog.

Okay... I think that covers it. I'm sure by this weekend when I am experiencing the festival of lights, I will already be coming out of this shock.  Hopefully, anyway.

Ko Phayam

It's a good thing this place isn't easy to get to... or everyone would be here.  I found myself with four days "off" before my placement, so I thought, hell, I better travel!  So I asked around and got some ideas, and at one point I had this whole other plan laid out for me but the fella who offered to help suddenly was unavailable to actually help.  No worries, its actually more rewarding knowing I did this all on my own.  There was a train involved, a minibus, a very slow ferry, and mom stop reading for this next part---multiple motorcycle taxis. Each one led me to a very interesting emotion.  The first one was arranged by my minibus driver and he insisted my bag would be no problem. I climbed on the back with no external hesitation but inside I was thinking to myself, is this really happening? As we climbed this rather rural looking hill I thought, dear lord please let my faith in humanity and goodwill get me to where I need to go. And two minutes later I was there. This morning I was actually almost brought to tears as I was riding on the back of this second motorbike...I think the emotion was just of joy and disbelief that this is actually my life right now. This isn't something I am reading or being told about, this is an experience I am living. There was also a note of sadness for those in my life who either choose not to experience this because of lack of desire to, fear to, or the belief that they cannot.  I sure as hell wasn't making a lot of money, yet I decided I wanted to do this and now I am here. And I am doing some amazing things for dirt cheap.

I met a very nice Kiwi waiting for the train which was perfect because the train was an hour late... we talked about everything from trains to politics to the apocalypse, but mostly I listened in awe while he apologetically yammered on.  Later in the day I was offered help by several Thais in Chumphon, and my host in Ranong was delightful as well as she told me all about her recent trip to the States. I definitely recommend Dahla's House in Ranong for anyone going to these northern islands, since the ferries and boats only leave a couple times a day, a stayover is almost guaranteed.  I called two places once I got to Phayam and the first one couldnt hear me so I went down my list and ended at Mr. Gao's.  I picked right. My bungalow is a little more expensive than the book said, but it is still less than $30/night. And it has the most spectacular view of Buffalo Bay.

I just woke up from a nap on the beach in fact. I don't know if I will stay two days or just one... the paranoia of not getting to my destination on time might negate any relaxing powers this island possesses. The water is hard to explain in all its glory.  Coming in, it was a deep jade, almost jungle green.  Here in the bay it is a clear grayish turquoise.  It isn't the crystal blue I expected or that I have seen pictures of, but when the light changes so does it. I imagine if it wasn't hazy out I would experience those almost fake looking waters.  Then again, most of those pictures are from the island of Phi Phi so maybe the water is just that much more magical there. Either way, I will take this magnificent island nearly free of idiot party animals any day over the alternative.

Another reason to love Mr. Gao's is the fact that he has a library at your disposal... mostly German titles but a few English ones... I picked up a book this afternoon about a family of witches, and it is fantastic so far. Maybe I will vow right here that I can't leave until it's done. Believe it or not, I am already the better part of half way through it, and those of you who know me and my reading speed should be impressed to say the least

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Spend a week in Thailand...

...and it will change your life.

Where do I even begin???  Some of us have decided to create a FAQ list for people interested in working in Thailand, so add that to the list of things I want to work on over the next few days/weeks.  To say that there have been no surprises, frustrations, or that this was easier than I imagined would be to tell a flat out lie. But to dwell on those things would take away from the awesomeness that is this experience.  Maybe in a future post I can share these things...

My 2nd day in the country started super early since me and Rachelle couldn't really sleep anymore.  Plus I think both of us were terrified we would oversleep. We both went downstairs and enjoyed some Thai food, toast, coco puffs, and something close to American coffee, which we would later realize is absolutely nothing like Thai coffee.  Maybe if we had known this we would have appreciated that coffee more! LOL!! People started to trickle into the lobby and before we knew it, a bunch of us were crammed into large vans and we headed out towards our new home, the city of Hua Hin. Our van was definitely the party bus, sitting there in the dark garage waiting for other buses to fill up we jammed to American hip hop with a disco ball/strobe light hanging from the roof. 3 hours later we arrived. Just enough time to drop our bags and then off to the mall to get ourselves a new Thai cell phone, toilet paper, and a few other necessities.

That evening we got a chance to meet everyone again, enjoy some drinks by our pool, munch on some french fries...  Little did we know that in less than twelve hours we would be crying together, sharing our stories, forever forgetting that we were all perfect strangers.

Tuesday, everyone broke off into two groups and headed to their locations. Our group leader started by telling us a lot about himself, and his own candidness allowed everyone a chance to feel welcomed and at home.  He had dealt with addictions and fears that paralyzed him, and lived to become a better person. He made sure to show us that he was there to help each one of us overcome our own struggles and do the same, no matter how big or small.  Like they said, you don't just drop everything and move around the world without bringing some baggage with you. Before we broke for lunch, nearly half of us had shared shockingly awful and yet surprisingly beautiful stories about what actually brought them here.  We were all moved by the moment.  I couldn't get my eyes to stop leaking on me. By lunch we were all wet noodles, numb and limp. A handful of us broke off and enjoyed one of our best meals yet, complimented by some much needed Chang (beer).  Those of us who didn't have a chance to talk used this small group as a chance to open up as well.  Seeing the children for the first time and then the raw emotion of us all left everyone dumfounded. It really was just a magical day.  Sounds so trite as I read my paragraph, but it was one of those moments in life you will never forget.

As if Tuesday wasn't enough, Wednesday literally changed my life.  The day started at a Buddhist temple, heavily influenced by Chinese culture from the history of the location.  Fortunes were read and wishes were made, both of which are not really related to Thai Buddhism, but it was fun and for some profound as well.  Then the most amazing thing happened. We all got a chance to meditate and pray inside the temple. Standing there, waiting for my turn, I remember feeling so overwhelmed with emotion about the enchantment of it all. My heart literally felt like it would explode with love.  I was (once again) brought to tears just waiting there, taking in the experience.  Once we were done with our prayers the Monk agreed to bless all of us. I don't care where you come from, what religion you study, in that moment God or the Universe or Allah or Buddha was with all of us.  Imagine 30 people all touching the person in front of them, all connected together. At first we were murmuring, unsure of what was happening and then from the corner you could hear him start to chant.  Did his voice grow or did we become more connected to the sound? As the Monk continued in his blessing his chants danced inside our ears and grew louder than you can imagine, yet never increased in volume.  I was electrified. I stood there and was literally pulsating as I felt his energy flowing into all of us. I would never believe it if I hadn't experienced it. It was much like the feeling I had when I have had my chakras balanced. You just gotta be there to believe it.  We got to climb up the mountain afterwards and take some gorgeous pictures.  You've never seen anything so beautiful!

The days that followed were wonderful and strange; such intense friendships were formed, seemingly over night.  I bonded with so many beautiful souls, some of whom I would swear I have known forever.

The week waned on and as early as Friday night and Saturday morning people left for their placements.  A large tropical storm caused us to switch our farewell BBQ to Saturday so a bunch of people missed out on that crazy night.  As of today, a handful are left to leave in the morning and the vast majority are now here for a three week TESOL course. I am the odd man out with a week off between my placement to travel.  I have no idea where tomorrow will take me, but I imagine somewhere south. Maybe I will island hop for a couple days.

By Friday, I have to be back in Bangkok to meet with my agent.  She will pick me up and take me to my new home for the next several months, and then I believe I will get to tour my school. I have the weekend to venture around my new city and then starting that Monday, I will begin teaching classes of 35-40 high schoolers.  I am excited and terrified, ready to go and sad this week is over.

How have we only been here for one week? How have I made so many new and wonderful friends?  What in the world am I going to do with my time this next week and how will any week in the future ever compare with the one I just had? These are the questions I can't stop asking myself.

Love you all.

Day One in Thailand!

Well, where do I start? Lets start with the nasty chaffing that just happened because this genius walked back from the beach with wet short on. Brilliant. Looks like pants for the next couple days! :/

My 2nd flight went very smoothly...great food, tons of movies to choose from (even if I couldn't figure out how to change the language from Turkish to English), more leg room, and best yet, there were only two of us and three seats so we spread out and got to enjoy some legitimate sleep! Yahoo!

Getting off the plane, I smelled the curry literally within my first two steps.  Bangkok's airport is so beautiful... by far one of the biggest and best organized I have had to experience. I had a little bit of anxiety getting through the passport check--no address to give them, so I was told to give the hotel name I was staying at. That information was conveniently stored in my email, which was inaccessible on my phone. So I said Hotel Bangkok and I got in just fine.  Found the gentlemen holding the sign with my name on it which was such a fun rush.  Shared my ride back with Liz, we arrived at the hotel about half way through our group's orientation, so we were able to join the 2nd group. I took the world's most enjoyable shower ever in under 5 minutes, rushed back down for the orientation, and then a few of us decided to take a walk and find some dinner.

We stopped a young dude on the street and said "food, cheap" while making eating motions, and he directed us around the corner to a place filled with locals.  You had to step down into this pit, walking past smoked? whole fish on the way, homeless cats were hanging out on the tarp roofs of the pit... The tables were all metal tables you find in most prep kitchens and the chairs were just plastic lawn chairs.  Dinner and beer for 5 of us was 660 Thai Baht, something around $18-20???  The beers come in large 32? oz glass bottles and cost around $1.60 each.  And they are higher proof. And you can drink in the street. Need I say more????

After dinner we stopped at a convenience store to buy more of said beer, and continued on to the hotel. Sat around in the lobby for about an hour chatting it up with various other group members until finally we decided that this was our one and only night and we needed to go out.  Liz and I had both heard of Soi Cowboy, or Cowboy road...and we had to check it out. Its like Bangkok's version of the red light district, with a few non-strip joints that housed karaoke bands playing everything from Katy Perry to Pink Floyd, and a few Thai pop hits in the mix. People were playing pool, but getting in on a game looked very complicated and involved writing one's name on a chalkboard, and of course the use of coins which non of us had handy... so we passed on that but enjoyed some good (okay, really terrible) tunes and another drink before heading back.

I conveniently skipped over the details of the club we did go into, hehehe.... It was rather epic.  The girls just line up outside the club and flirt with you to come in.  If they are lucky enough to get your business, they take you and your group by the hand and guide you to a booth, where they dance for you.  They have clothes on and they are not dancing ON you, so calm down everyone...  You buy them a drink rather than tip them, which just didn't seem like enough.  One of our girls really loved her job and the other looked like she could cry at any moment.  The girls on stage included some lady boys with really good tape jobs.  Nothing was hidden... it was ridiculous.  We stayed for one drink and then wandered.

Getting a cab outside of there, the drivers all assume you know nothing. So they offer you a price and you say no, meter, to which they walk away knowing they can't scam you.  Our ten minute ride was 67 baht each way, so what... $2?!?!?!

That's all for now, I will update more about today later!  Time to get back to the peoples!!

Thoughts from Istanbul

11/2/13
Here I sit, about four hours left to go of my eight hour layover in Istanbul, Turkey.  The girls I traveled here with should be in the air by now?? There is Kara and Kaitlin from Chicago, Stephanie from Indianapolis, and Erica from Nashville.  Great girls, and considering I might not be getting an orientation week (we will get to that later) I am very fortunate to have met them all and to have shared several hours goofing off with them in this foreign land. That eleven hour flight was a killer, literally... my ass is dead. I am sure I could find a wifi connection here that is secure and reliable, but, not knowing the language, everything looks sketchy. And I might be a little naive, but handing out my credit card info over to a non-secure wifi connection just so I can log onto facebook and "check-in" seems a little bit ridiculous.  I have to wait several more hours before I can even find out what gate to wait at.  Until then, I found a somewhat dark lounge where I noticed several people sprawled out catching some zzz's.  So I did the same for a few minutes, Bon Iver playing in my left ear drum.  I missed tracks 6-8 so I know I caught some shut eye. But then I noticed the gate was starting to get busy, and I felt a little guilty taking up so much space at a gate that isn't even for my flight. Its dark here, and I think its around 8:30pm here, but its only 1:30pm at home. I would really like to be able to let everyone know how things are going so far, but I am fairly certain that they will all trust I am okay. They know I am not an idiot, right??  I tried some turkish ice cream and just a sip of some turkish coffee. Both are quite unique. The coffee puts a new spin on the word "strong." And the ice cream is very rich, and almost taffy like in its consistency. I did purchase some Turkish Lirra, but I didn't get much and I already spent what I had. Turns out they take USD here anyway... The coins would have been cool to give the girls, but I spent them on a can of coke. haha!

Okay, so here's some deets on the actual reason I am here. Obviously I am heading to Thailand to teach. The program I went with was mainly selected because I could elect to go for only a semester and decide later if i wanted to stay longer. That was important to me.  Along with the program, I was supposed to have a week long orientation at a beach resort, where we would all get to know one another, learn about the culture and customs of the people, take a cooking class, go ride and feed some elephants, eat some super fresh pineapple... you know, fun stuff. Well........I got an email that was followed up by a skype call with the director of Xplore Asia. And he has a school in Lampang (northern Thailand, SE of Chiang Mai) that would like to hire me to start as early as Tuesday or Wednesday next week!!!!!!!! AHHHHHH!!! I'm told this area is very much matching the description of what I wanted, and to top it off, I would be teaching high schoolers.  That excites me because I think I will have better luck engaging them into actual conversations.  I guess I can get reimbursed for the orientation and I can even decide to take it at a later date if I want, but holy cow, right?! Just jump in head first, why don't ya! No need to get acclimated or sleep off the jet lag. To be fair, I moved to Thailand to take life by the balls and LIVE IT. So I told him that I am open to whatever, and if I need to skip orientation, so be it.  Turns out one of the girls I flew with, who I ended up sitting with, who had the exact same glasses as me (LOLZ) is also in a very similar boat and is even looking at moving to a similar region of the country.  And we have all started making plans to meet for Thanksgiving/Christmas/New Year's/any other breaks... so in a way I already got what I needed to get out of orientation, right?  What a crazy life I am leading these days.

Since I don't have an internet connection, this probably won't be posted until tomorrow from my hotel room in Bangkok, but I think its a good idea to keep up with all the craziness as it unfolds.  More later! Peace Love Happiness!

Down to the wire

Let me just say this: sure its very glamorous to move to a foreign country for 6 months, but by no means is it easy to do so. All the piddly little things like making sure you bank isn't going to fee you to death before you go, setting up your payment plans for loans, etc, really end up taking up a lot of your time and causing much frustration.  As of this morning, all of my packing is nearly complete, just waiting on a load of laundry to dry to finish the one suitcase, and then packing my carry on with all my "airline approved" bottles, books, journals, the like.  I have all my required documentation all ready to go. I've read everything I can at least twice regarding the culture, what to expect, how my first week is going to be handled, and all that fun stuff.

I was reading another gal's blog about moving abroad and she had a really funny point.  She was commenting on how everyone's response was the same: "What a great opportunity for you, maybe you will fall in love."  And like her, I would agree and say if one more person tells me I might fall in love over there, I might snap!!  Can't we just go over there for ourselves? Does it have to be in pursuit of a man?  And yes, it's glamorous in theory to move half way around the world "to find yourself," but I have a feeling the first time I squat over a hole in the ground I will literally LOL thinking how unglamorous this whole adventure really is.

All that being said, I am so DAMNED excited I can barely think. My brain is going a mile a minute.  I cannot wait to begin this chapter of my life!!! It will be by far the coolest thing I can ever imagine doing and I just absolutely cannot stand to wait 4 more days! But just a word to the wise: don't think its easy to just hit pause for 6 months. Unless of course you are still in school or you have no bills.  Then it shouldn't be that hard, and pay no mind to the girl behind the monitor. ;)

10 days

I think my family is in denial.

At least, I think my dad and brothers are anyway. Mom seems to get it; she has started giving me crap again which oddly enough, I appreciate.  She and our friend Cheri were talking about loving your children even when you hate them, and she made sure to use Thailand as an example.

11 days to go...

The party is over, the National is over, just a few more bar tending shifts and some tear filled good-byes left before I board the plane to my biggest adventure yet.  Has it sunk in yet? Nope. When do I think it will?? Probably not until I am unpacking my suitcases in my new apartment somewhere in rural Thailand.  Since the first week is spent at a resort with dozens of other 20 somethings, all of whom speak English, I would imagine it still won't be sinking in at that point.  Don't get me wrong, sitting in the airport in Turkey I'm sure my psyche will realize that this is a new experience I am about to undertake.  The butterflies are a lot more friendly now though, knowing I have my passport and visa, plane ticket is purchased... just a few loose ends left to tie up.  Stay posted! xoxox

32 days and counting...

Holy toledo, its almost October. I leave for Thailand in 32 days. So much is left to do!!! On top of rather important tasks such as procuring a visa, creating a video for myself to help me secure a job, etc. I have all the lovely menial tasks like vacuum bagging everything so I can pack it all in, sorting out what clothes I am leaving at home and putting them away so mom doesn't have a hernia...saying goodbye. The like. Not to mention all the really fun tasks like dealing with account matters between my bank and my bills, figuring out just went I will need to start paying Uncle Sam for other loans. And then questions come up, like how will I do my taxes next year? Even though I am constantly reassured that I will never be out of touch with the rest of the world, I have so many questions and uncertainties about just HOW this is going to work. And I just feel that knot, like the one you get as you start to climb the first peak on a roller coaster. You know its going to be epic and one of the best experiences you could never otherwise imagine, and yet, you can't help but worry that you would have been safer never getting on the ride. And all I can do now is remind myself that there is no getting off the ride!! Get ready, keep an open mind, and have the time of your life!