Self Absorbed

Is it the reflection of my own self-absorption that finds yours absolutely unbearable? There's no question that you are, I have evidence for decades. I suppose its questioning a trait like this within my own mirror that has me puzzled at the moment. 

You come by it naturally down to your zodiac and childhood trauma. With empathy I see that now is not the time for confrontation. Not to mention past lessons have taught me how these accusations are never met with change. Yes, I have been here before. It was different, I felt inferior to her. But I lost her all the same and that devastated me far more than being forgotten ever did. 

So I say nothing. And you keep talking. And I resent you more, and more. 

But if that was different because of how I felt about myself, maybe there is an answer within me that I need to seek first before I turn outward. So, does it only bother me now all of a sudden because I am lacking something? Am I resentful because seeing it in you highlights it in myself, or is it that I have neglected myself again. 

Forgotten. 

Maybe your self absorption only hurts me because its a reminder that I am solely responsible for the curation of my life. And yet somehow I am talking about your life, as if that matters more than my own. I put you here. I pulled you back, kicking and screaming. I had picked and delivered the best foundation for you to grow from. And yet you still mismanage this fortune you've been given. And then look me straight in the eye and bullshit me!  But what is that? What does that say about me...doesn't it signal that something is still rotting under the renovation?

If I've adorned myself with robes lined in thorns, it was I who had sewn them in. 

This main character needs to stop acting like the chubby best friend side kick. For fucks' sake. Rip that thorn laden liner out and burn it to the ground. Who gives a shit what you're doing, really. It's your life. Build my own plot, set up the next scene.  We will be better if we both write new narratives for ourselves.

As much as those words echo hauntingly, "I would never," she wasn't wrong. I should never. Take the backseat, take a supporting role. But if we focus solely on self empowerment, self focus, self growth, self self self, me me me..... then don't we become the thing we set out pissed off about all along? Are we not actually pissed off about it, but rather just jealous of those who do it better than us?