Any time a writer goes a long time between writing, the new piece of work likely begins "where to begin?" Why should this blog post be any different?
I could say that this has been an especially trying month... but it hasn't exactly been hard for me personally. Just everyone I love. And being one of those sad saps who cries over the pain of others, I suppose that is what made it hard for me, impersonally. One person I love dearly was diagnosed with a crippling, terrible, uncurable disease. Not just a person I love, but one of the truest, most kind-hearted, beautiful souls I have ever met. Another person I love lost, by my count, his fifth close friend in ten years and before he turned 31. Not just friends, close friends. If you count friends he is up to at least ten. And most recently, another person I love dearly discovered the ultimate betrayal. The person they love the most not only cheated physically, but emotionally too.
All of this bad stuff naturally is enough to make a person stop and think. It makes me lose faith in humanity. It makes me lose hope. It makes me stop believing in trying. And then I snap out of it for a day or two and realize that being melodramatic gets you no where.
And then I start drinking wine and get the urge to write, and all those negative feelings come rushing back.
And then I turn on some Christmas programming and I am overwhelmed with my love for humanity, at least momentarily.
It's exciting being me, I definitely never get bored.
That damn song by Tim McGraw came on the radio when I was leaving work... Live Like You Are Dying. I was sobbing... sobbing and driving, the greatest of combinations.
So what has happened in the life of Kozy since last writing?? Well.... Let me tell you. I am kicking ass and taking names at work. Or at least that's what I tell my parents. It is in fact going well. This job remains the only job to keep me challenged and I continue learning things everyday. I know more about contracts and inspections than any one person ever expected to know.
I started writing that blog about my dating life... I even published a few. And then I became insanely depressed about how depressing it all has been, and continues to be. Let's talk about modern age dating for a moment. Frankly, technology has ruined love for our generation and I believe, for generations to come. No one cares enough to stick it out and fight anymore. Everyone cheats. Everyone is dating 5 people at once. If one person doesn't live up to your outrageous expectations, you swipe a few times on your phone and meet someone new. If you do actually meet someone you enjoy spending time with, don't tell them how you really feel. Most people in our generation don't know what they are feeling, let alone how to articulate it. So discussing what you are feeling just scares the shit out of the modern 20 something. Most people in our generation don't even know how to communicate, let alone communicate about emotions. They have spent too much time staring at a screen to know how to interact with human beings. What a concept: open communication. How crazy of a thought is it to be honest, up front, and genuine? Apparently, quite crazy.
Luckily for me, I have literally the most normal, supportive, amazing family to walk the earth. Nothing like the holiday season to bring out all the family hating memes. I didn't realize how much I loved my family until I started to see how much everyone else hates theirs.
Along with my badass family comes my badass dogs. Aside from having to walk them all the time... which gets a little old on those super cold mornings... they are what keeps me smiling. Literally every single day they make me laugh and giggle. And they keep me warm at night. And they keep me out of trouble. And they help me keep the calories from these glasses of wine off the stomach region. But for how amazing our four-legged friends are... they sure have this awful habit of leaving us before we are ready.
The good news is, it is almost guaranteed the next blog will be more chipper.
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