Babe, there's something wretched about this...

(That song is now in everything I do)

2014 was a year of extremes for sure.  New experiences on the other side of the globe. Familiar and unfortunate haunts reappearing. New jobs, old habits. New cities, old bedrooms. New friendships forged and old friendships burned to the ground.

The crushing agony of letting go of someone who has hurt you more than you'd ever like to admit.
The exhilaration of taking a journey by yourself and liking what you discover within.
The excitement of an opportunity that can only be described as destiny.
The fear of jumping into the unknown without a life preserver and knowing that failure is not an option.

It's really easy to get caught up in the day to day grievances we all face. Not enough money, not enough time, not enough sleep, not enough fresh air and vegetables. Too much stress, too much driving, too much pizza and cheap wine. (Okay, you can never have too much pizza, but I should probably spring for the better wine next time.)  But you didn't have to spend the first three months of 2014 living in Thailand to be able to step back and look upon your life in awe. Let's be honest, most of you shared those months with me, and they weren't very glamorous.

I have found that when I get so caught up in those "not enoughs," just like everyone else out there, we become filled with anxiety and envy. We think other people have it better, and we completely forget what all we have done. The reality is that, everyone can choose to let those "not enoughs" weigh them down and become the voice that they hear every day.  Everyone can look at someone else and want what they have instead.  The people who are able to find and maintain peace in their life find a way to remind themselves that each path is blessed, each path is divine, each path is beautiful in its own wretched way.

To think that at any point in the last several months I have become down or depressed... I shiver at the ignorance.  How could I have ever let such negativity take root?  My GOD! 2014 was a year unlike any other, beyond comprehension. It certainly had its trials. But in those trials were lessons SO profound, I think I can only start to feel their magnitude. Lessons that are so blindingly beautiful and powerful, much like the sun, if I stare into them for too long I will lose all sight. I need to just close my eyes and soak them up, remind myself of them, and continue on.

I came home from Thailand with a centeredness and calm that I needed to carry me through the challenges that presented themselves in the spring and summer.  At points, I lost sight of that calm and I lost my ability to realize that I can protect myself from much of this unease that comes into our lives.  I am very fortunate to have found it again, to have found that strength within myself to say No to something that brings more harm than good.

Life really is beautiful, if you allow it to be...if you give yourself the chance to see the beauty of your own path instead of finding its shortcomings as compared to another.